But Greg isn't Deputy Editor any more.
I am.
And I,
Am making changes.
What?
Hi Lawrence. There's a lady here that's been looking for you.
Can I help you?
Are you Lawrence Maddox the new Deputy Editor?
Yes?
I'm here to congratulate you on your promotion.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, you are?
I'm your present.
Laurence this is inappropriate behavior, wouldn't you say?
This is wrong, I should record this.
Fuck the misuse of company time.
- Stop. - I'm not doing anything.
Hey Mrs. Harding
Oh my god,
So adorable.
This is Ingrid from the fashion department.
You're getting so big.
Where's Mr Maddox now?
He moved to room 217, and it's just over there.
Ok.
Bye.
Girls, let's go see Mr. Maddox.
My God this is terrible.
There's a surprise. Look at this.
What do you think?
Mrs. Harding?
Girls.
I got cock on my hand.
Get in.
I didn't know it was "take our daughters to work" day.
I didn't know there was a "take our daughters to work" day.
Shut up.
You know, when I told my wife...
I hired another Brit.
She was excited.
She still thinks you're all like something out of "Pride and Prejudice".
But after what she just saw in that room.
Now she thinks you're a British person born in New Jersey.
Why did I hire you?
I don't know, why did you hire me?
I had an attack of nostalgia. But it's passed.
Like gas.
What was wrong with my story?
What?
Why did you kill my Vincent Lepak Story?
Sidney, it wasn't good enough.
Simple as that.
Wasn't good enough!
We don't do hatchet jobs here.
It wasn't a hatchet job.
Your opening quotation...
It's only too easy to catch people's attention by...
Doing something worse than anyone else has dared do it before.
Who you thinking of here,
Yourself or Vincent?
He is a talentless, pretentious little twat who thinks that cinema began with Tarantino.
And somebody needed to say that.
You told me to do something with teeth.
I'm trying to run a fucking magazine here.
A free press is the last defense against the tyranny of stupidity.
Save me the tin-pot philosophy.
It's not mine it's yours.
First issue of Snipe.
Would you grow the fuck up?
You are not Robin Hood.
You never were.
You bitch about famous people for the same reason I used to bitch about them.
Because they got invited to the party.
And you didn't.
Well Sidney,
You're at the party now.
Quit your bitching and do your fucking job.
You're on your last life here, do you understand that?
One more fuck-up like today, you're gone.
Wouldn't you have to run a decision like that past Eleanor first?
Get out.
I can't believe you hired Bob as a stripper.
I didn't hire him, she did it as a favour.
I thought you wanted to be a success here.
I do.
It wasn't me it was Clark.
Oh, your alias, right.
I don't think Clayton is going to publish anything I write you know.
I've been on salary for 4 months now,
And I've written probably a 175 words. I think dollar per word basis,
I am the highest paid writer in the history of this magazine.
He's not going to renew my contract.
Well, what do you expect?
I mean, Vincent's one of Eleanor's clients.
I told you they're untouchables.
I thought Clayton was different, I really did.
The only thing I'm good at is pissing people off. And they won't even let me do that.
"My glory walks hand in hand with my doom". It's "Troy".
Troy who?
"Troy" the movie.
Clayton only hired me so I could be shunned.
Everybody hates me.
You're the only one who would talk to me.
You cornered me.
I'm serious.
You're the only person who's been... you know.
Most... abusive to me.
Excuse me for a sec.
Rachel, hey. Hello again.
Hello.
Laurence is a wonderful writer, I really felt like he got to the heart of me.
I'm sorry, have we...?
It's Sidney, Sidney Young, we met at the pool-side benefit.
I saw 5 Burros the other day,
And I just wept.
No...
Like a baby.
Absolutely incredible. I just thought it was the best piece of work I've seen in...
Sophie darling.
We were just talking, did you know that Lawrence published a book of poetry.
No.
Called "The Whole Heart", yeah, really terrific.
You write poems?
In another life.
Cointreau?
And the White Russian.
Right here.
So Sidney.
What time does the stripper come on?
Shut up Maddox.
Where's your sense of humor Sidney?
Choke, choke, choke, choke, choke.
Hi, Mrs. Harding.
Hi.
It's a lovely party.
Having fun.
Jesus!
Has anyone ever told you before that you have an unusually dark aura?
Yes.
You should walk with bare feet as much as possible.
Ground all that negative energy.
What are you, a wizard, what?
I'm a spiritual healer.
Oh, can you make a living out of that?
God no.
I'm a dentist.
You want do some coke?
Oy! Orlando, you used to be English.
Fuck!
You OK?
What?
I said, are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You?
Yeah.
No, actually I'm not.
I hate my life, so you know I'm going to get drunk.
Right, I'll see you then.
How could you?
What?
How could you and Maddox have an affair.
For god's sake.
The man with hidden shallows.
Goddamit Maddox!
How can you live with yourself?
I couldn't.
That's why I've broken up with him.
You broke up with him?
Which leg did you hurt?
This one.
God... Fuck... God!
You know what?
There's something very damaged about you.
Like an animal that's been hit by a car or something.
Like a deer or like a pig, maybe.
You walk all funny and the other animals keep away from you.
Little limpy pig.
I'm Joan of sick animals.
That's why I picked Cuba.
Because he had like, psychological problems.
Poor little Cuba.
Where is he now?
Feels I'm wasted.
I'm really wasted.
I slept it off.
Congratulations on becoming incredibly famous by the way.
Thanks.
What's that like?
Weird.
It's all happening so fast and it sort of feels like it has nothing to do with me.
Kind of like I'm not really even here.
You know what would be nice though?
Some coke.
It's probably just as well I don't have any though.
Coke always makes me so horny.
I need the wizard dentist.
I need the wizard... Not you...
The dentist wizard.
The wizard stroke dentist.
Ok, all right, you got it.
Thank you, thank you so much.
It's OK.
I will never, never, never forget this.
It's OK, really.
What are you doing?
None of your business.
You can't drive like that OK.
Just sleep it of.
Just leave, you, you stupid asshole I hate you.
And secondly... secondly... I hate you because you're a stupid asshole.
If you drive in this condition you're going to kill yourself OK?
Who cares if I did?
I hate my life.
I gotta go.
Just come here.
No, don't touch me.
I hate my car.
No give me the keys.
I gotta go home.
I thought I had it all figured out.
A, get the hell out of Port Huron, come to New York
B, do the serious journalism to pay the bills while I write the novel.
C, win the Pulitzer.
E,..
D!
D, I don't know what D was.
When I took the internship at Sharp's.
I met Maddox.
And then before you know it I'm writing 10 tips for the fucking metrosexual.
And pretending this is what I wanted.
And this isn't what I wanted.
And that's why I hated you.
You hated me?
You were right, about me. I'm a ghoul writing fluff.
You're not a ghoul, OK, you're a zombie.
Am I afraid of a real relationship?
Do I think an affair is all I deserve?
I mean... ok, he's handsome and successful and...
He's great in bed.
Oh, God be quiet!
Fine.
When I told him I couldn't see him anymore.
I don't know if he cared.
I love him,
And I don't know if he cares.
I'm sure he does care.
Ok. He's probably not very good at expressing his emotions.
Ok, let's just calm down, don't get snot everywhere,
'cause it's a rental.
Oh, God!
What?
Oh! That's grim!
Alison, what's your address?
Alison I need to know your address.
How?
Not my stairs no.
Will you shut up?
You'll wake the old bitch up.
Hi.
Did we wake you?
God, I'm a whore.
- I'm a whore - Hello dad.
I love this song.
She's not actually a prostitute.
Oh, good.
So Sidney's dad. It's nice to meet you.
I'm Alison.
Delighted to meet you.
I'm from Port Huron.
And you must be Sidney's mummy.
No, I'm not.
Oh, ok, I mean my dad remarried too, so that's cool.
Do you have any cigarettes?
What is this?
Oh, hey, is this... ?
I think it's probably cocaine.
It wasn't actually for me.
It was going to give it to this young actress.
So Mr. Sidney. What you doing here?
Please call me Richard.
Well I've written a little book.
And I was doing some talks.
I'm writing a book.
What's yours about?
I write books on...
philosophy, ideas.
Oh my god.
Richard Young.
You're RC Young.
You never said your dad was RC Young.
I brought you a copy of the book I left it here.
What's he know about philosophy?
Well he does have a Master's in the subject.
You're shitting me.
He likes "Con Air".
Oh, I don't feel very good.
Come on. It's time you were in bed.
Ok.
You can sleep on the couch.
It was a pleasure to meet you Lord Young.
You really should have said you were coming.
That would have required you answering one of my calls.
Well, I've been kind of busy.
Of course.
I picked up your magazine at the airport.
Most enjoyable.
I particularly like the young Hollywood actress,
Who said she would like to start her theater career somewhere small.
Like London or England.
Why must you always do this?
It's just a little joke.
It's not a little joke, is it?
Basically you're saying what I do is worthless.
I don't think it's worthless, I just think you know in your heart that you could be doing more with your life.
More?
Sharp's Magazine is one of the most respected magazines in the world.
There's a million hacks that would give anything to be where I am.
You know who I hung out with just today?
Orlando Bloom.
I don't know who that is.
Of course you don't know who that is, you don't know who anyone is.
You thought Brad Pitt was a cave in Yorkshire.
Most people do know who that is.
And most people wouldn't think a journalist hanging out with celebrities like that
was a disappointment.
I don't think you're a disappointment.
I never thought that.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.
Things haven't been that great actually, dad.
I don't know why, I can't seem to get ahead.
If you're not happy...
No, I'm fine.
Really I can make it, I know it.
Einstein said...
try not to become a man of success.
Rather become a man of value.
The young lady in the bedroom there, Alison, she wouldn't have anything to
do with your desire to stay on, would she?
No.
We're just friends.
She says that New York women don't go for losers.
I suppose not.
But Alison is from Port Huron isn't she.
Hi.
That's a good look for you.
I don't remember much from last night but I'm so, so, sorry.
Oh my god, your father.
And that woman.
Oh, Mrs. Kowalski.
Don't worry about it.
The last woman she caught me with had a penis, so...
You're a big step up.
Thanks.
Who's that?
That's my mother.
No way.
Is she a model?
Actress.
In movies?
Some, you know, British, small parts.
And she still...
No. She died when I was young.
Must be pretty cool having your mum in movies.
Well I used to stare at the TV from time to time
when I was growing up.
You know, just kind of weird.
Ok, a full English fry up.
Perfect hang-over cure.
Get your gob around that.
Not again.
Hi.
I was just...
rooting through your personal possessions.
I like the opening.
You don't.
Yeah.
Got to read the rest of it. Believe it or not I'm a pretty good editor.
I don't know, I don't even know if I'll bother finishing it.
Keep true to the dreams of thy youth.
Is that Troy again?
It's Xilla.
I'm going to jump in the shower and then I'm going to get out of your hair.
Well, wait 'cause I got you a present.
I was walking past this record shop in the corner, and I saw it,
I thought it might...
cheer you up.
You said it was your favourite film.
That is... I don't even know what to say.
I don't have a turn-table.
Well you can always come here and listen to it.
Are you kidding?
I can throw up on you again.
Come on.
Come let me show you.
Hey Alice.
Versace? You like?
I'm good thanks.
You know honey, everybody needs to change their look every now and then.
Especially when they have a new man in their lives.
What?
What are you talking about?
Well the English guy is always hanging around you these days right?.
Tell me it isn't so?
Of course not.
Thank god, can you imagine. He's such a creep.
This is gorgeous, but I'm just too fat.
Don't be crazy.
Alice.
Is Anna fat?
Not at all. Why, she's so thin that I can take her little spindly body
and snap her over my knee, like a dry fucking twig.
And for your information, Sidney Young has more going for him than anyone in this place.
It works, that's good.
Hey Alison.
I was wondering if...
Hey Alison I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie or have a meal.
Wanna go on a date?
Might work.
Hello.
Hello Sidney.
I like your costume Vincent.
I'm not wearing a costume.
- Idiot. - Wanker.
Ok, see you.
George Hamilton.
George Hamilton's not dead.
Isn't he? Ok.
I was looking for you actually.
There was something I wanted to tell you.
Me first.
I wanted to ask if maybe you wanted to go to a movie...
What?
I can't understand what you're saying.
I just wanted to ask you if, eh...
Back in a minute.
I wanted to tell you that...
Laurence has left his wife and we're going to be together... officially.
That... that's just brilliant.
So maybe he does care after all right?
I'm going to...
So Alison told you that we were getting together right?
Yeah.
I should have did it long ago.
You know me, not very good at expressing my emotions.
You should be happy for her.
You being friends and all.
Oh, Sidney.
I thought as much.
You really think you and Alison... Things really didn't go all that well for me did they?
Ah well, give it your best shot.
Take the Westside highway please.
Wait.
Let me write the profile on Vincent.
I don't think so.
You get complete copy approval, it will be like you wrote it.
Vincent, think about it.
Think of how humiliating it will be for me.
Please, I'm begging you.
You don't look like you're begging.
Westside Highway please.
Sit down Sidney.
Lawrence Maddox is no longer working for Sharp's magazine.
Seems Elizabeth got tired of him screwing around and kicked him out.
She kicked him out?
Richard Heywood doesn't seem to like the idea of employing an ex-son-in-law
So he's gone.
So is Alison Olsen. Don't worry about Maddox.
He's already got something lined up with Gotham magazine.
I going to need somebody to hold the fort.
At "I Spy".
Strictly on a temporary basis, you understand.
Oh, one more thing.
I had a call from Eleanor Johnson this morning.
Wanting to know if you would like to write a profile on Vincent Lepak.
I don't know how you did it Sidney, but somehow you...
made it to the next room.
Vincent Lepak Long live the King
By Sidney Young
Nice robe.
Oh, thanks.
Ralph Lauren, it was a gift.
Who from?
Ralph Lauren, I was doing a piece and...
I wanted to say congratulations, I heard about your promotion.
I'm really happy for you.
Thanks.
How's things going with you?
Good, fine, everything's...
I'm working for this little literary magazine.
It's in New York.
So I left you a bunch of messages.
Yeah, I know, I've been so busy.
I thought so.
How's the novel doing.
I am still working on it.
You should keep at it.
I believe in you.
Actually I never give you these.
It's just... you know. You don't have to use them.
If you don't want to.
I mean...
You know...
Oh hey Alice.
Where did it all go so wrong?
Bye.
Sophie is going to get an Apollo Film Awards nomination for best actress.
Wow, that's great.
But the nominations haven't been announced yet.
That is correct.
Which is why we have absolutely no way of knowing whether or not she will be nominated.
But when she is nominated, we would like Sharp's to do a feature.
Someone to cover the whole lead-up.
Unrestricted access.
The trajectory, the building of this unique brand.
I'm going to have a logo.
So here's the deal.
Sophie wants you to write the story.
You can be my bitch.
Merry Christmas Sidney.
This is a cover story.
I think a little celebration is in order.
You didn't do it.
I couldn't do it, it's very high.
What are you?
A limpy pig.
What?
I'm your little limpy pig.
Now it's time to pay the forfeit.
What you got?
I've got my little limpy pig dance.
Give me your ring.
I can't.
Why not?
I cannot.
Give me your ring.
I want it.
I can't.
Ok.
If you give me your ring and I win tomorrow, I'll let you have sex with me.
Oh thank you Mike.
I'll buy you a better one, just as soon as I...
No you won't.
I'm always going to keep this one.
I'll never part with it.
Never, never, never.
Let's do it properly.
Please.
What people don't realize is that all saints start out as human beings.
All human beings fall in love.
Well, well. Look at you.
Congratulations.
Your fortune right.
You go up and I go down.
You're here with Sophie?
How about doing your old rabbi a favour. A little interview.
Is Alison here?
No.
We went our separate ways.
Actually she left me.
She tells me she's in love with someone else.
Nope, not you I'm afraid Sidney.
Some guy named Clark.
Can you believe it?
These are the sacrifices we make.
I don't need to tell you.
This is not a vacation, vocation...
So here I am, at the center of everything.
I got the tux, I got the watch.
I got the life.
I am exactly where I wanted to be.
I've made it to Shangri La.
I gonna have to have the ring back.
What are you doing?
Hey, what are you doing.
What's he doing?
Give me the ring back.
My mother gave me this ring, she told me to give it to the one. She's not the one!
I don't want to be on the inside, I do not want to be at the party.
I don't want to have sex with you.
I killed Cuba.
Fucking fucker!
Sodom and Gomorrah.
Sidney Young.
Hey Vincent.
Sidney.
Fuck.
Have a nice flight.
I need a ticket to New York please.
The next available flight isn't until tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock.
It arrives at New York at 6:30 pm local time.
There's nothing sooner?
No, I'm afraid not.
Fine I'll take it.
Hi, you've reached Alison please leave a message.
Oh and Joe if that's you I've got the tickets for Empire brook tomorrow.
See you there. Bye.
Alison's it's me, it's Sidney.
Listen, my battery is very low...
Can I see you?
I don't think I'm going to be working for Sharp's any more.
But it's fine.
I thought I wanted all that stuff.
I wanted to be special.
To have the money and be treated differently to anybody else.
Can I have an upgrade.
But I don't, ok?
Who's Joe?
Can I get your autograph?
What, 'cause I'm on the TV?
'Cause I'm up there close to the movie stars?
You think I'm special?
For your credit card.
Yes.
Do you have any baggage?
Plenty.
Stop the car, stop the car.
Hi.
How's the novel coming on?
It's finished.
Thanks for the editing.